Take this time to bond with family members, forgetting the bitter sour of the past, remember the good times spent.”Sorry” is just a word, but by merely uttering it will power the wheels of “Relieve”,  “Happiness”, and “Harmony”.

Happy New Year everyone!

As we had spent quite a large sum during Samantha’s 1st and 2nd admission in Prince Court Medical Centre, we were quite reluctant to purchase the feeding machine and was requesting if the hospital can give us a loan unit. On the other hand, we were also thinking that Samantha only requires it for short term. We then appealed for a subsidy through GHKL’s Medical Social Work Dept.

While waiting for the appeal which will take quite some time, I then searched the internet for medical equipment suppliers if they have feeding machine on loan. At the end, Hospis Malaysia came into my mind. I called them and my inquiry was transferred to a pharmacist by the name of Aidah. Unfortunately they do not have any feeding machine or pediatric medical equipment.

About 1+ hour later, I received a call from Aidah. She brought me a good news.  She said she then remembered there was an unit of feeding machine at the store from a patient who had passed on. It is still quite new. She said I could loan it for free until if any of their patients needed it.

What surprises me the most was that, how on earth she got my number. I did not leave my contact no. but I did tell her that I have a baby who is admitted to GHKL and requires a feeding machine. She actually made the effort to call up the Pediatric Unit of GHKL and managed to get hold of my no.  So kind of her! God is great, isn’t it? Amen!

The feeding pump loaned from Hospis Malaysia with love

Two weeks after Samantha’s passing, I called up Aidah and informed her that I am returning the feeding machine. That was then Aidah got to know that Samantha had passed on.  We took the opportunity to give a token of appreciation to Hospis Malaysia.

One month later, neither did I expect, instead of receiving just the receipt, it was accompanied with a PERSONALISED letter of appreciation.

We were so touched with their thoughtfulness. They do not know Samantha nor seen her in person but through the letter, I can feel their compassion and care towards not just the patients but also their family.  Tears rolled down my eyes whenever I got to know there are kind souls who love our dear Samantha and care for us.

So not used to not having her around. She used to keep me busy – making her milk, sterilizing her bottles, keep watch of her feeding time, administering her medication, bathing her, nappy changing, washing, drying and folding her tiny clothes and organizing her closet.

Missed kissing her, stroking her head admiring her short fine hair, breastfeeding time, massage time, having her chubby cheek resting on my shoulder, watching her sleeping peacefully, cradling her in my arm and singing to her.

Readjusting my life, living without her and to never let the memories of Samantha fade.

In times like this, God’s incredible grace is there to pick us up, to revive lost hope, to heal broken hearts, and to strengthen us.  God has given to me two wonderful man before He gave me Samantha, for a purpose. That is to keep me going and never let me fall today.

I, take u, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse………to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

When the doc told us that Samantha is very ill, Darling and I hold on to each other and said, “Let’s go through this together.” Darling had been very supportive throughout this period of uncertainty and pain. He understands my heart and my need. And now, we have each other to share the emptiness and grieve for our loss.

Samantha @ 2 months

God blessed us with Jonathan to keep us busy. He puts joy and laughter in our heart.  There was no chance for us to drop our tears in front of him.  He now knows that her little sister Samantha is with Jesus.  When asked, he will say, “Samantha is sick and die already. Samantha is in heaven now.” We still talk to him about her little sister Samantha hoping that she will always be in his mind.

Jonathan @ 31 months; Samantha @ 2 months (before her condition started to deteriorate)

Here, we would like to say thank you to all of you for your prayers and concern for our family. I felt so touched by all of your love for Samantha. May God bless you.

In summary, Samantha is suffering from a disorder called Mitochondrial Disease which also caused her lactate acid and PH to be very high. You can read more here as it’s too scientific for me to explained.  This disorder has affected her kidney, liver and brain at this juncture.

Initial abdominal ultrasound could not locate her left kidney and so they suspected that she has only one kidney but latter ultrasound managed to located her left kidney but it is very small. Since her renal profile are quite normal, they will perform a functional test later on her.

Her liver is enlarged. Current size is about 5cm compare to normal size which is about 2cm. The doctor are still monitoring her liver for any liver impairment for liver failure.

We had the MRI brain scan done for Samantha and the result shows that the part of her brain that controls her motor skills are badly affected.  Her eye may be affected as well as the brain controls the eye vision, movement and coordination.

Samantha has to go home with a nasogastric (Ryles) feeding tube.  Not what we expected but at this moment, we can see this is the best for her.  Most importantly, it can help to reduce her vomiting as tube feeding is a gentle way of feeding. She doesn’t have to use much energy as compare to sucking from the bottle because the milk and medicine/vitamin enters her stomach directly.  Tube feeding is common for children with failure to thrive.

Administering medication to her is much easier now as she doesn’t have to get agitated with the horrible taste. Feeding through the Ryles tube requires a feeding infusion pump that controls the delivery rate of the milk (75ml in 3 hours). This will restrict her mobility as she has to be hooked to the feeding pump for at least 3 hours. Another way is to use a Bolus (a type of syringe) but the flow of the milk is faster.

When we looked at other parents with their normal child, we are challenged mentally and emotionally. However, after all these, we are still glad and thankful.  We are unable to forsee the future and what is the life span for Samantha. What we could do now is to look upon God for His healing powers.  Take things one step at a time and appreciate the moments that we can have with Samantha without neglecting Jonathan.

p/s: To all the mommy bloggers, sorry for not visiting your blog as often as I used to be. Will do that once things are sorted out.

The same prayer for our little one that is somersaulting gracefully in my tummy now.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Lord,

Thank you for the blessing of a new life that comes out of our love union.

We ask you to bless and protect our baby, to fill it with your love, your peace and your joy
– to surround this little baby with the warmth of your love.

We ask you to help it grow and develop into the beautiful child you want it to be. And pray that our baby be filled with as much of the life and spirit of God as his little being can receive.

We pray that God’s love and our love pour into this little baby, so that our baby will feel welcome and at home in this world.

Thank you for this baby and for blessing us and entrusting us with this new life. Teach and guide us in taking good care of this little being in my womb.

 We consecrated our baby to God while he is still in the womb; we asked God the Father to accept him as Your children and to protect him from harm.

In Jesus Christ most precious name we pray, AMEN.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

She was the first mommy blogger that sent Jonathan pressie on his 1st birthday. That year, we exchanged gifts on our son’s birthday and Christmas. It so happen that both our boys’ birthday falls on the same month and just few days apart.

This year, I reminded myself to send pressie to her son before his birthday. But that never happened because the pregnancy hormone made my memory gone wild and made me restless. And so her boy’s present is still sitting on my desk…unwrap even. Nevertheless, she still remember us. I was happy when she dropped me a note that she’s sending over a pressie for Jonathan’s 2nd birthday. So sweet and thoughtful of her.

My dear friend, I thank God for you. May God bless you and your family with happiness always.

Darling : I will sing this song for my daughter on her wedding.

Me : What if you don’t have a daughter?

Darling : I will modify the song to suite my son’s wedding.

I was thinking – What is so great about this song coz my Darling hardly sing?

“I Loved Her First” – by Heartland
Look at the two of you dancing that way
Lost in the moment and each others face
So much in love your alone in this place
Like there’s nobody else in the world
I was enough for her not long ago
I was her number one
She told me so
And she still means the world to me
Just so you know
So be careful when you hold my girl
Time changes everything
Life must go on
And I’m not gonna stand in your way

But I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she’d find you someday
But it still hard to give her away
I loved her first

How could that beautiful women with you
Be the same freckle face kid that I knew
The one that I read all those fairy tales to
And tucked into bed all those nights
And I knew the first time I saw you with her
It was only a matter of time

But I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she’d find you someday
But its still hard to give her away
I loved her first

From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
Someday you might know what I’m going through
When a miracle smiles up at you
I loved her first

Tears started to drop when I browsed through the 2nd stanza.  This is definitely a great song with very touching lyrics. Now I feel like having a daughter so that her Daddy can sing this song on her wedding.

My aunties cried when they see their daughters being led away by the groom. Yet they didn’t cry when seeing their sons brought home the bride. Funny isn’t it?

Blessings from God which I am thankful for.  I cherish all the moments spent with them. May God bless them with good health.

Happy Father’s Day to two wonderful men in my life,

……My Pa and Darling……

Sames goes to all mommies out there! Here is a story to share which I received via forwarded email…

* * * * * * * *

When I came home in the rain….

Brother asked, “Why didn’t you take an umbrella.”

Sister advised, “Why didn’t you wait till rain stopped.”

Father angrily warned, “Only after getting cold, you will realize.”

But…

Mother, while drying my hair, said, “Stupid rain! Couldn’t it wait till my child came home?”

* * * * * * * *

Cheers!

It is not easy to play a dual role in the family. Or maybe multiple role…as a Wife, Mother, Daughter, Daughter-in-law, and more for me who has another home-next-door…Sister, Aunt!

And juggling between work and household matters. At least I am a little blessed that I don’t have to do much house chores as they are taken care by my MIL who is staying with us.

But still, after spending 12 hours or probably more in the office, by the time I reach home and settle down, I do not have much time left for the day before bed. 1 hour? 2 hours? 3 hours if I’m not exhausted yet. 

The little one yearning for a hug and some pampering.  He may be showing signs of tiredness and so it’s time to put him to bed. Whilst, Darling waiting patiently for a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on and some expression of love from me.

At times you fell asleep with the little one.  Pity Darling…no love for today. Well, I owe you, so allow me to keep the debt for tomorrow or the day after. Too much debt!

Worst when the little one is sick, all the attention goes to him.  But when Darling is sick, he must learn to take care of himself. I wish I have two pairs of hands.  Definitely when I have a free hand, my hope that, a little pat on the forehead and a cup of milo with two tablets of paracetamol can make you feel better.

The same may happen to me…It requires understanding, acceptance and support.

Nevertheless, I never forget God’s teaching and the vow we made in front of God…..

……to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part…….

Our children shall leave us one day to build their own family.  Who else shall walk thru with us this path of life if it’s not our spouse?

In the past, many women miscarried blighted ovum pregnancies without knowing what had happened. Today, thanks to the technology that an ultrasound can diagnosis a blighted ovum and because of the advancement of technology, blighted ovum is becoming more common. If you are lucky, the unhealty embryo will be delivered via natural miscarriage. If not, you need to go through a D&C which could be something tough to accept. The most hurtful misconception is that there never was a baby. There are many conflicting discussions about the choice of waiting to miscarry (allowing a natural miscarriage) and having a D&C done.

I first learn of this medical term when it first happened to my sis four years ago. She was lucky enough that it got miscarried on the day she was supposed to be admitted for a D&C. I’d also been through this tough time with my first pregnancy two years ago. I waited and prayed for a natural miscarriage but it never happen until the 12th week so ended up having a D&C. Lately, my staff went through a D&C because she was having a blighted ovum.

I truly believe that our style of living contributes to the health of our pregnancy. The food that we consume nowadays are not as healthy as before. The water we drank, the vegetables and poultry we consumed are exposed to a poluted environment. More women are working adults so they are bound to stress and are lethargic.

My advice to all ladies out there who are planning for a baby, to take care of your health and diet at least 6 months before pregnancy. You should begin to consume folic acid and additionally, milk for pregnant mothers. Obviously it is not viable to be on exotic slimming-down plan eventhough your plans for a baby is more than 1 year down the line. You may look healthy but your internal system may not be so.

I was so blessed having beside me my Darling who is so lovingly supportive and bold. Blessed to have the care and concern from my sisters and parents.

Mum and Dad were watching TV when Mum said, “I’m tired, and it’s getting late. I think I’ll go to bed.”

She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day’s lunches. Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning.

She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the washer, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button.

She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger and put the telephone book into the drawer.
She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry. She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom.

She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the excursion and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair.

She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote aquick note for the grocery store. She put both near her bag.

Mum then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her Night Solution & age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails.

Dad called out, “I thought you were going to bed.”   
“I’m on my way,” she said.

She put some water into the dog’s dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked and the patio light was on.

She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps and radios, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the basket, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework.

In her own room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack.

She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list.

She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals.

About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular. “I’m going to bed.” And he did…without another thought.

I’ve been asked by numerous people why I pursue my tertiary education if my ambition is to be a housewife. In fact, I am now a Masters Degree holder. The reason I pursue higher education is to be competitive and for the security of my future. When you are educated, it doesn’t mean you need to be in the marketplace and practice what you have learned. Education is not just for job security in the marketplace. And obviously your husband does not want an uneducated wife for his children.

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
“Oh excuse me please” was my reply.

He said, “Please excuse me too;
I wasn’t watching for you.”

We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye.

But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.

When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
“Move out of the way,” I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn’t realize how harshly I’d spoken.

While I lay awake in bed,
God’s still small voice came to me and said,

“While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.

Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You’ll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.

He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.”

By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.

I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
“Wake up, little one, wake up,” I said.

“Are these the flowers you picked for me?”
He smiled, “I found ‘em, out by the tree.

I picked ‘em because they’re pretty like you.
I knew you’d like ‘em, especially the blue.”

I said, “Son, I’m very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn’t have yelled at you that way.”
He said, “Oh, Mom, that’s okay.
I love you anyway.”

I said, “Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue.”

FAMILY
Are you aware that if we were to die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days.
But the family we left behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.

And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than into our own family, an unwise investment indeed, don’t you think? So what is behind the story?

Do you know what the word FAMILY means?
FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU